Troubled Marriages and the Holidays

Being in a troubled marriage is hard at any time.  Over the holidays it is even harder.  There is such a spotlight on relationships and the myth that everyone is happy pervades society.

I specialize in work with couples and find many of my sessions during the month of December involve survival skills for the holidays.

Whether the couple is facing a high level of conflict, infidelity and betrayal, or feeling distant and unconnected, the sadness, pain and loneliness are intensified.

Here are some of the survival skills that I have suggested as well as ones that my clients have shared with me for ways to piece together some peace during the holidays.

*  Remember that you are in charge of your own buttons, your mouth and your behavior.  You don’t have to be part of an escalating argument.  You can choose to be more peaceful, maybe detaching with love.

It really does take two to have an argument and you can choose to tell your spouse that you are “taking a bye” over the holidays.  You will be glad to spend time together when things are easy but this is not a time to fight or disagree about issues.
That can come later and, maybe with the new year, a new perspective.
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Sandy found ways to quietly say to Stan that she knew that they had a lot of things to talk about.  She knew that he was unhappy about her lack of interest in sex and how busy that she was with the children and her friends.

She reminded him that she also had concerns; however, until Christmas was over, she was going to take a moratorium on those discussions and look for peace in the family.

Sandy told Stan that she planned to write down her thoughts about both of their concerns when she was upset or thought about things, but would wait to address them until after the holidays were over.  She hoped that he could do the same and could accept that she was not going to talk about problems until January 2.
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