Focus on the Positives in Your Marriage

Look at the good that is there … in your relationship and within yourself and your partner.  Sure, there are problems in every marriage.  No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect.  The more you notice … and acknowledge what is good and what you like, the more likely it is that you will get more of that back.

So often when we see couples, one of their main complaints is that the other is negative, critical or nagging.  Look for ways to be sure that your spouse understands that you love him or her … and that you like him or her.  Accentuate the goodness and notice the results.

John Gottman, PhD, the famous researcher of marriages, found a formula of 5 positives for every 1 negative in healthy relationships.  When that ratio is present, couples are able to sail through problems, disagreements and challenges because they have a reservoir of good will.  It is easy to work with someone with whom you have a positive relationship.

While it is easiest when both focus on positives, one person can bring change alone.

When the music changes, so does the dance.