Marriage and Sex: Tip Number 7

Create an environment for intimacy throughout the day and see what happens in the evening.

For women, this often means just thinking about it.  Think about the things that you DO like about intimacy with your spouse.  Think about the pleasure you have received in intimate moments.  Push negative thoughts away and focus on the positive ones about intimacy and your spouse.

For men, this means helping out with housework and childcare.  It means finding ways to create some romance with a flower, a card, any way that says “I love you very much” rather than “let’s have sex”.

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Marriage and Sex: Tip Number 6

Dream together about your ideal sex life and sex partner.

Does your spouse perceive you as a “poor lover”?  Do you wish that he or she had a better idea of what pleases you when making love?

Talk together about your ideal love-making.  Think of it as more of a “dream” or miracle conversation.  Find a time when the two of you are relaxed and alone.  Play with it.  Be creative and a little humorous.

Marriage and Sex: Tip Number 5

Men:  Women feel much more interested in an intimate sexual experience if they have intimacy outside of the bedroom.

This usually does not mean that you have to cry or talk a lot about … feelings, heaven forbid!

One small step would be to ask her about her day and then tell her 1 fact about what happened with you.  Simple conversation about what is going on in your life and in hers is a way to begin.

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Marriage and Sex: Tip Number 4

Women:  Your man may not understand what you mean by “intimacy“.

He really may not have the same idea that you do about how to be intimate and connected outside of the bedroom in order for you to be ready for intimacy in the bedroom.

For men, intimacy often means activities together, which includes sex.  Men often feel connected and intimate AFTER making love and then are more able to talk and act in loving ways.

Gently and lovingly share with your partner what you want and need, then look for his efforts in that direction and let him know how much you appreciate them.

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Marriage and Sex: Tip Number 3

Talk together about what you like about the marriage.  Be the first to begin.  Make it fun and without pressure.

Creating an environment between you that is positive and loving has the greatest possibility for increasing intimacy.  Spouses want to be closer, both emotionally and physically, to those that they like and enjoy.

Focusing more on what is good about your partner and your marriage, rather than the negatives and struggle, are much healthier and much more likely to lead to the results that you want.

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Marriage and Sex: Tip Number 2

Be the first to take a step forward.

Waiting for someone else to change, even if they really SHOULD be the one to take the first step, can be destructive and really not worth the damage it does to a relationship.

Take that first step graciously, maybe even a few times, and look for even small positive signs.

Marriage and Sex, Tip Number 1

Consider the question:  Is this stand-off worth the problems that it creates in your marriage?

Think long and hard about whether or not you want to continue with this pattern.

Think about how the problem has affected you and your spouse and then think about how things could and, hopefully, will be different when the problem is resolved.

Each person is half of the problem … and half of the solution.

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Sex and Marriage

We often hear couples complain about their sex lives.  Wives are generally less interested in intimacy inside the bed and more interested in intimacy outside of the bedroom.  Men often say that they feel more connected, and so, more intimate, if there is intimacy inside the bedroom.

Struggles then subtly erode into long-term stand-offs with both feeling hurt, disappointed, unloved and misunderstood.

Has this happened in your marriage?  How have you two broken the impasse?

We are interested in your experiences and will share some of out thoughts in later posts.

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Healing from Affairs