Making Marriages Work

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Focus on the Positives in Your Marriage

Look at the good that is there … in your relationship and within yourself and your partner.  Sure, there are problems in every marriage.  No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect.  The more you notice … and acknowledge what is good and what you like, the more likely it is that you will get more of that back.

So often when we see couples, one of their main complaints is that the other is negative, critical or nagging.  Look for ways to be sure that your spouse understands that you love him or her … and that you like him or her.  Accentuate the goodness and notice the results.

John Gottman, PhD, the famous researcher of marriages, found a formula of 5 positives for every 1 negative in healthy relationships.  When that ratio is present, couples are able to sail through problems, disagreements and challenges because they have a reservoir of good will.  It is easy to work with someone with whom you have a positive relationship.

While it is easiest when both focus on positives, one person can bring change alone.

When the music changes, so does the dance.


June 21, 2011 - Posted by | feelings, helping your partner feel good about self, love, marriage advice, marriages, positivity


  1. Sally Connolly and John Turner are marriage and family therapists who live in Louisville, Kentucky.  They have each been practicing therapists for over 30 years and love what they do.

    Comment by Marjory Bedlington | June 25, 2011 | Reply

  2. I commend the words written above you seem to be speaking directly to what I lack personally. I know my wife has more than 5 positives to applaud we argue so much lately I dont see them. Thanks for this insight its much needed!

    Comment by Courtney Robinson | April 5, 2012 | Reply

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